He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
Nothing is worse than puking naked in front of strangers
Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Also I feel like 60% of our relationship is based on sausage mcmuffins.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
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