I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
