don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
then he pulled down his pants, and i just stared for about a minute..... i was so confused. i didnt know my cat could have a bigger penis than an 18 year old man.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I really like your cover photo on fb that looks cool
In case birth mom friends me back, thought I should make it less drunk looking.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
