I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
