Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
You know the party's good when you say "Never have I ever caused an emergency landing" and someone drinks
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
