"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
I am dripping wet and slathered in glitter and banana mush. I love gay guys.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
and I keep making him eat me out and buying me presents, this is paradise. I wish he cheated on me earlier.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
Omg, new summer goal: sex in a bouncy castle.
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