Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
im stripping for him via video chat, but the sound is turned off cause his students are taking a test
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
