you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
That girl gave me her number because you were arrested. I am so proud of you dude.
i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I've replaced you with thin mints and masturbation
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
