I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Yeah I mean subtle isn't how I'd describe your flirtation strategy last night
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
Randomize
