dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
She asked the class if starwars was based on a true story...
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
Randomize
