I don't think you know how difficult it is to pee in poncho..
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
