im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I mean technically the bite was both in my nose and on the outside of it. I thought I was going to need stitches or something.
Why was his mouth around your nose anyways?
It was just one of those nights, man.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
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