And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
no jill really. Evrything around me is talking to me. The plant, my dog, the tv,the lamp. Its amazing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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