We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
The best part of last night is not remembering half of it
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