Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
Our prom king just sent me a dick pic. I know it's 10 years later but I feel like I've finally made it.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
