the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Hey this is your roommate. You know the one that let you have sex with her while you called out your exs name and cried?
I have no recollection of that. You must have the wrong number. P.s. your thongs still on the ceiling fan.
Randomize
