Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Idk. The last coherent text said something about $25 & dimes. And then...it's just letters...
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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