So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
I think my new low is running outside in a towel to pet a particularly fluffy looking squirrel and projectile vomiting off the balcony.
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
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