but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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