they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I'm not gay but if a lesbian wants to eat my box out I'm not gonna say no to someone who knows what they're doing.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
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