He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I hooked up with a British man... Wiz Khalifa has your bra... Couldn't have been a more successful night!
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Randomize
