Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
I know its time to do laundry... i cant even find a dirty sock to wear because they all have jizz in them
any chance you can send me your legal ethics outline, in exchange for say, me buying you a lapdance the next time we go to the strip club?
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
Dude, the coffee is horrible this morning, Cass changed something about it
We ran out of Bailey's Irish cream...
This is what regular coffee tastes like?!?! Fuck the adult life.
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
