I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Randomize
