She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
his mom called during sex and he made me talk to her I think we're getting serious
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
