tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I love you. Go after that dick
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
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