ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
you also choked him out with your legs on the kitchen floor..
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
do you remember the random banging on my door at 3 am wearing 2 budlight cases as a dress
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
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