so I'm never txting u again after today...
y?
cuz i don't wanna see it on blogspot :)
ha...too late
he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
Randomize
