fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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