R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
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