We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
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