You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
What the hell do I have to do to get some foreplay around here? This sucks.
I think you know the answer.
How can I marinade myself in Vodka?
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
I just farted in the bathroom and the guy in the stall next to me started gagging. Its a beauitful day
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
