Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
