Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
You told my mom you were going to "Raw Dawg some randoms." That Drunk.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
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