i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
Porn. Physics. Porn. Icecream. Porn. That's my life now.
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Wait wait wait. You are actually taking advice from this lunatic?
This is the girl who got a balloon full of cocaine through security no questions asked. Of course I'm taking her advice.
Valid.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
Randomize
