I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
It's gotten to the point where even copying off yahoo answers is still way too much work.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
Randomize
