babies were throwing up all over the place
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
so i fell out of a tree on the ave last night. someone told me there was alcohol at the top. bastards.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
