I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
Randomize
