Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
he broke off your car antennae to use as a walking stick before he smoked because he claimed to lack the facial strength needed to open his eyes when he's high
I would convert to being a Republican and Mormon just to sleep with Romney's sons. The things I would to do them.
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
Randomize
