I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
So much beer in the passenger seat the seatbelt light is blinking
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
