This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
we tried to exchange flip flops in the parking lot and fell over then army crawled home
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
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