Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
The cab driver is now flexing at a red light...
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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