I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
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