We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
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