Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Reasons why I'm always right: I am older, I am wiser, I have a larger penis
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
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