Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
I know. I feel like I should be doing mature responsible adult things though. Like getting loans, working 60 hours every week and not eating burritos in bed, ya know?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
I just used an Amazon gift card from a student to order a new vibrator....teacher of the year
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
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