it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
You can't just take out your bong for hits in public places... That's what pipes are for. You've got to be stealthier.
No, it's okay because this is the city of trees.
YOU'VE ALREADY BEEN BUSTED MORE THAN ONCE. THAT'S NOT A VALID EXCUSE FOR BONG HITS IN COFFEE GARDEN
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I'M IN A SPINNING VORTEX OF SELF-HATRED AND HORNINESS
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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