We folded our dollar bills into airplanes. This really makes the strippers work for it. Like air miles.
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
I expected better sex from someone with the word CHAOS tattooed above his dick. But on the bright side, he was down to watch a documentary on Honey Badgers afterwards so I guess I'll keep him around.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize