Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
I'm pretty sure this all started when I found a vibrator in my mom's sock drawer and had my first orgasm when I was ten...
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
She gave me a job then fed me cheesecake in bed. She's a keeper!
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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