Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
I was sitting down, taking a piss with a boner, her cat walked into the bathroom and walked up to my legs, I sneezed and pissed all over her cat through between the toilet seat and bowl, it ran off screeching. She thought I peed on her cat on purpose. Kicked me out
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize
