I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
