You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
