I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
Randomize
