i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
Randomize
