She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
