i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
I've never seen a kid turn down a sure thing for a possible handy by a freshmen. You need to re-evaluate.
I've got to stop making out with the guys and sharing drinks with you. I'm the reason we all get sick at the same time. Sorry.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
Randomize
