Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
this other lifeguard and I are actually considering paying a kid to shit in the pool
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
Not a single person will look me in the eye. Last night must've been bad.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
