so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
Randomize
