There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
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