he wants to bone in the snuggie
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Randomize
