I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone dad. And you’re also like a second dad to me who I also send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
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