How is it? Sketchville?
cheap drinks and peanuts cancel out any form of sketchiness
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
Dear sober self, your keys are on the table in front of you the only way your typing this is with autocorrect goodnight love you
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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