everyone is single if you try hard enough
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
