It's chlamydia! Thank God!
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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