Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
someone owes me an orgasm
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
Randomize
