well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
no seriously. she's even got the premier of the real L word on her calendar at work. that lesbian.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
