highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Bring mistletoe to the strip club, and they feel obligated. they dont even charge you
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
no, that was the night I slathered your dick in the icing from my birthday cake
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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