Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Lets now bow our heads and think of girls with ex boyfriends who were great at fingering them. That's so sad.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
whoever decided snowing in 90 percent of campus on a night when the streets are flowing with tequila and skittles was clearly not an R.A.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
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