T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
Randomize
