Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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