I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
